Strength
by SGAFan
Summary: Gap filler for Before I Sleep. Elizabeth wakes from stasis to rotate the ZPM's. What went through her mind as she carried out her duty?


**Strength**

**Missing scene from "Before I Sleep"**

She woke.

Stiffness…soreness…pain, hindered her every move. She lifted a slow and shaking hand and grabbed the side of her chamber…her prison, relying on it for stability as the effects of stasis drained from her body.

Three thousand years since she'd moved. Three thousand…and a few centuries, but who was counting?

She was.

Three thousand years since Janus and the Ancients had left. Elizabeth stared at her steadying hand, her breath catching in her throat and a choked sob escaping her. Wrinkles crisscrossed her hand. She touched her face, the feel of aged, weathered skin beneath her touch only fueling her sadness. The chamber slowed time's ravages, but still, age stalked her. Never a vain woman, Elizabeth nonetheless felt cheated….robbed. Her life was slowly slipping away as she slept. Her youth…her vigor squandered.

No!

She stepped from the chamber, her legs shaky, but her resolve firm. Her life was not squandered, but full of purpose. Fixed on a single-minded goal.

The survival of her Team.

Panicked cries and sounds of rushing water still haunted her. The death cries of people not even born yet. It was almost inconceivable. The tangles of time travel meant nothing to her. She had heard them die…seen them washed away…she would not let that happen again. She would save them, and she would save Atlantis.

Elizabeth tapped a sequence of controls on the Ancient console and watched, still marveled as three ZPM's rose before her. She'd been awestruck when Janus had first shown them to her. Such unimaginable power, tempered with a unique sense of beauty.

She approached the Ancient mechanisms, her hand coming to rest on the first one; the pinnacle of a triangle of power. While the others shone brightly, it's light was dim. She swallowed hard, pulling on a quiet, inner strength to fortify her resolve. One third of her slumber was over…one third of her duty. Slowly, reverently, she removed the ZPM and laid it gently aside. Her attention turned to the next in line, it's amber glow casting a golden reflection on her hand. With equal reverence, she removed it from its slot and placed it at the point of the triangle. The lights around her seemed to brighten, a trick by her eyes, she knew, for the city still slumbered. She replaced the depleted ZPM into the one empty slot and returned to the console. Pressing a few buttons, she watched, solemnly as they lowered back into the console. Elizabeth turned to the stasis chamber and hesitated. A small voice screamed at her not to return, but her determination washed it away. This was her task…and if there was anything to the belief of fate, this was hers. Her fate was to change the fate of her Team. Elizabeth smiled at that conundrum. It would've drove Rodney crazy. Pangs of regret cramped her gut. He would have a second chance…they all would. She crossed the room to the chamber, her steps resolute and determined. Elizabeth took her place, feeling the familiar drowsiness take hold. She would survive…and so would they.

She slept…

And dreamed.

_"Simon!" Elizabeth felt herself lifted by a wave of water that crashed through the jumper bay. "Simon!" Water surged over her head, and she felt herself drug down. Her held breath burned her lungs. Her eyes fixed on the lifeless face of Simon, drowned, as she was soon to be. Reflexively she inhaled, her scream crushed by the water that poured down her throat. Blackness took her. She felt herself dying, but there was no relief. The dream clung to her, unbreakable by the mercy of waking. She could not wake. The stasis chamber wouldn't allow it, but none of that mattered or even occurred to her. She lingered in a panicked state of drowning…of dying…with no respite. Its effects were horrifying and ravaged her. But, Elizabeth fought back. Her Team. She would help her Team._

_Time passed. How long, she did not know. She clung to her resolve; to saving her Team, like a life buoy. It was a life jacket for her sanity._

_The darkness turned gray then white. She gasped, her lungs filling with sweet, life giving air. The whiteness gave way to green and blue as a lush meadow with blue cloudless sky materialized around her. _

"_Elizabeth." _

_She turned and looked directly into the eyes of Simon. Tears of joy escaped her and she threw herself into his arms. "Simon." Her voice no more than a whisper, Elizabeth knew he heard her and drew strength from his strong embrace. _

_Simon pushed her back to arm's length, his expression turning wistful. "Be strong."  
_

"_Simon? Simon!" Elizabeth's heart ached as he disappeared._

She woke.

Elizabeth's gasp turned to a sob as she clung to the side of the chamber, her mind reeling. "Simon." Her hand flew to her mouth, her fragile and weak voice shocking her. She pulled her hand away and stared down at it, the deep wrinkles and slightly swollen knuckles shocking her. She was old. So much older than the last time she woke. Her life was passing her by as she slept, and part of Elizabeth screamed out in defiance.

"No." She cleared her throat, pushing away the fragility of her aged voice. "No!" She would save them…forge a future for her Team…and herself. Determination alone would fuel her.

Elizabeth stepped from her chamber, her joints stiff and aching. From the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of silver white hair brushing her shoulder.

She was old.

Elizabeth pushed away the thoughts. What's done is done. She never regretted her decision, and she wouldn't start now. But even if she did, there was no changing it. But she could change the lives of everyone on her Team…including herself. She could make a life for all of them. She could live the life she was sleeping away now.

Elizabeth touched the controls and looked up as the ZPM's once more rose from their stations. Two now were dark, but the third glowed brightly…a beacon of hope for her Team, and for herself.

With gentle determination, Elizabeth grabbed the darkened, lead ZPM and set it aside. Her hands wrapped around the charged ZPM, warmed by the soft amber glow it gave off. She placed it in the lead spot; the apex of the triangle…the point upon which all her hopes rested.

Her hand lingered on its smooth surface. The next time she woke, it would be dark…powerless as the others now were. They'd have to find another way…find another power to replace these, but Elizabeth knew her team. She knew given half a chance, they'd survive. Elizabeth felt in her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper with five rows of symbols scratched on it. Half a chance. That was all they needed…and that's what she was giving them. It was so much more than she had. She turned to the chamber and paused. Was there a reason to go back? She'd done what she had to. She'd given Atlantis…her Team…a chance. Why return? Part of her was terrified. Scared by the nightmares that had plagued her…the hell her mind had gone through, trapped in a dream and unable to wake. Why should she go back?

They had to know. Her Team had died. They were valiant and brave to have even tried, and the strength of character each had displayed in the moments before their deaths should never be forgotten. She owed it to them to tell their story one day…to let their "other" selves know who they were. She was charged with that duty. Not only to save all of them, but to let them know who their other selves were…and ultimately who they were. They all had such an inner strength, and deep down, Elizabeth felt they'd need that strength to forge a future here.

Her grip tightened on the paper as she returned to the chamber, surrendering herself to the stasis.

She slept…

And dreamed.

_Sheppard grabbed her, holding her tight as the ship careened towards the planet. Elizabeth buried her head in his shoulder, knowing their speed was suicidal. The last of the Earth Atlantis team would die here and now. Earth would never know what happened to them…and she'd never see Simon again._

_The scream of twisting metal deafened her, and in spite of Sheppard's strong hold on her, Elizabeth felt herself propelled forward. Pain shot through her body as she slammed into the console. Darkness took her._

_She woke, feeling a soft but heavy weight across her body. Elizabeth slowly opened her eyes and blinked away double vision. Her throat constricted, squeezing off an angered scream as she stared into the lifeless eyes of Major Sheppard. Blood smeared across his face, but there was no mistaking him. _

_She closed her eyes against the image, but could not push it away. "John," she whispered, feeling her own life begin to ebb away._

_She lingered there…neither dead or alive, the reality of waking just out of her grasp. She was trapped, once again unable to wake…unable to escape. Her pain was all encompassing. Emotional, physical…spiritual. And yet she lingered as time passed._

_Relief washed through her as the image changed. Her pain faded. Once again, everything around her was white. Elizabeth's spirits soared as she waited, expectantly, to see Simon again._

_The white around her changed, morphing into a stunning canyon with jagged mountain peeks behind it. She looked down, realizing that she was standing on the edge of a sheer drop off, yet she felt not afraid. Something pulled her…beckoned her to step off the edge. Maybe she should…maybe Simon waits for her at the bottom._

"_Elizabeth."_

_A deep voice grabbed her attention. It was familiar, yet it did not sound like Simon. Elizabeth turned and stared into the face of John Sheppard. Healed and healthy, his rugged features bore none of the pain or injury she remembered._

"_John." She smiled, but he just stared back at her, his gaze intent._

"_Stay, Elizabeth. You have to stay."_

"_Stay?" She stepped closer to him. "Stay where?"_

_John walked up next to her and looked down the long drop off into the canyon. He pointed to the ground next to them. "Stay here." He then pointed down the canyon. "Don't go there."_

"_But I…" her voice trailed off. Why did she want to go? What did she hope to find there?_

"_We need you here, Elizabeth. You can't forget us. You have to tell them about us." John placed a firm hand on her shoulder. "You can't die."_

_Elizabeth looked down the long drop off. Was that death? Warm and seducing…promising a dreamless rest? She looked back at John and smiled, heartened when he returned the expression. "I will stay here." She reached up and gently stroked his cheek. "I'll tell your story, John. I won't forget you…and they won't either."_

_Sheppard stepped back, his smile widening into a grin that lit up his handsome face. "I knew you would, Elizabeth." He vanished before her eyes, and the scenery was replaced by a warm blackness._

Elizabeth slept.

And dreamed no more.

--------------------

_Author's Notes:_

_This is a departure from the format I generally tell stories in, but I hope you enjoyed it. It all started with the question "What would Elizabeth be thinking the two times she had to wake and rotate ZPM's?"_

_Inspiration drawn from the Stargate Atlantis episode "Before I Sleep."  
_

_I don't own the characters, or the Stargate universe; I just like to play in it, once in a while. :D_

_SGAFan_


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